Monday, March 4

 
So I was talking to Wendi on irc and she told me she got email from her cousin Helen saying that she had finally gone ahead and moved out of the house she shared with her husband and into her own apartment. This was a really big step for her, and she apparently had considered doing it for awhile, but never actually worked up the nerve to do it. Wendi and Helen spent quite a few hours talking about the whole situation when they were together last week for their grandmother's funeral apparently.

Helen is almost the same age as Wendi, a little younger, but took a totally different path, marrying her long-time boyfriend from college not too long after graduating. It was a big wedding out in the country, Wendi was one of the bridesmaids, and it was shortly after she and I had started dating, so I was shoe-horned in as her guest well after the guest response deadline. It seems so strange to have it all be falling apart now.

Helen just fell out of love with her husband it seems, and as he was pushing for them to move out of the city and into the suburbs and start having children, she felt it was time to end it apparently. Wendi and I were both secretly rooting for Helen to leave her husband, since neither of us were his biggest fans, but also just because it seemed like he was turning half a century of progress towards more equal roles for men and women balancing family and careers right out the window. Even though he had the more high-powered and high-paying job now, Helen has quite a career of her own, and she gave up a prestigous job when they moved after he got his current job, and she was the one supporting them when he was attending grad school.

I suppose it is also a bit rewarding to see Helen having the courage to at least try going it alone for a bit since it seemed she was doomed to repeat the role her mother played, also stuck in a loveless marriage, raising the child and sticking with her husband for the child's sake. Helen deserves better than that, and I'm glad she is giving a try. Even if she ends up staying married, she at least has taken the initiative to step out on her own and then make the decision, rather than just staying with him out of fear of the unknown.
posted by dotsboytoy 3:52 PM

Thursday, February 28

 
So Wendi went to her grandmother's memorial service without me on Tuesday, and surprisingly, it wasn't that big a deal. Her cousin Helen, who is about the same age as Wendi, came without her husband, so I don't think it was seen as a bad thing that I wasn't there. Even Wendi's aunt came without her uncle, and pretty much everyone only stayed the one night before the service and then had to leave again Tuesday afternoon after it. The other possible tension about me not going would have been between Wendi and her mother, but even that was headed off by her telling her mother she needed to go alone to the service and didn't want me to go even.

So since the service on Tuesday, Wendi's mom and stepfather have been staying with us, taking advantage of the fact that they were already here, spending a couple days with her and running around town. It has been fun in a way having the company, but of course I've been at work during the day, so haven't gotten to go out and do much with them, and sometimes after work, I just want to come home to some peace and quiet and relaxation, and that is hard with company. At any rate, it will be back to life as normal tomorrow as they head out first thing in the morning to fly back home.
posted by dotsboytoy 3:08 PM

Monday, February 25

 
So Nina and I have now exchanged a couple pieces of email back and forth over the last week, and I'm still not sure I have things figured out. In the end, I think she must just still have good memories of our friendship in high school, and be seeking to see if we can get to know one another again well enough to be friends again in the present as well. She is going to be back in the area again soon for a couple weeks, so we've decided to try to get together sometime while she is in town.

I did some more snooping around on the web looking for anything relating to Nina, and still couldn't find anything actually personal. I did find a picture of her though, but it was in a professional journal, so not only was she a bit dressed up, but it was also a pretty low quality picture, so while I could tell it was her, I really couldn't make out details to see how she really looks now. Or well, really, how she looked 2 years ago, since even that picture wasn't current.
posted by dotsboytoy 5:40 PM

Tuesday, February 19

 
So Wendi's grandmother died yesterday.

I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to feel about it, if at all. She had Alzheimer's, and was pretty far gone, so in some ways I think it is a bit of a relief to Wendi and the entire family, but at the same time, she's dead and there's no coming back. I feel like Wendi has been dealing with the loss of her grandmother for the last 3 years or more really, from the time when they first diagnosed her with Alzheimer's as it was beginning to get serious, so in some ways her grief is different than if her grandmother had been perfectly healthy and died in a freak accident or something. The timing is still a bit of a shock to Wendi though I think, as her grandmother had been ill a few weeks ago, but seemed to be on the mend again, and then this.

I'm trying to be supportive of Wendi as much as I can be. I'm not really sure what to say to her about the whole thing, so I've mostly just been listening to her, and being sure to give her extra hugs and kisses to help her feel secure. When my own grandfather died, almost a decade ago now, I strangely felt nothing. I feel like I should have felt something more, some sense of loss or grief, but in the end, I really didn't. I was never too close to my grandfather really, and I think that made it easy to be detached at his death, after all, he was just someone I saw every few years in my childhood, not a day-to-day fixture in my life. Wendi's relationship with her grandmother was totally the opposite though, her grandmother pretty much raised her for several years while her mom was off drunk and on the skids, so I think that makes her death all that much harder to deal with.

I'm still waiting to here what is going to be happening with funeral arrangments, and I'm not looking forward to having the discussion with Wendi about funeral attendance. It is pretty obvious that she will be going, but I'm really hoping I won't have to go. It is pretty selfish of me to say that, but I really just don't want to be there. Even though Wendi and I have been dating almost 5 years now, I've always preferred to keep a bit of distance from some of her family. They are all just so alien to me, much closer than my own family, much more formal in events and functions, and with overwhelming undercurrents of politics and drama. The fact that they also repress themselves totally in dealing with one another is so annoying. I'm not looking forward to the discussion with Wendi about this.
posted by dotsboytoy 11:20 AM

Monday, February 18

 
I was surprised to get email from Nina yesterday afternoon with belated birthday wishes, after not having heard from her in probably a year or two. She is an old friend from high school, we were pretty close for awhile then, dated for a few months, then continued to keep in touch and remain friends until I graduated. After I went off to college we kinda lost touch for awhile, but got together for lunch once what must have been 8 years ago or so, then kept in touch by email off and on since then. I'd just about written off ever hearing from her again though after hearing nothing for awhile.

Nina was pretty wild in high school at time, after we dated, she told stories of her exploits with the entire boys soccer team, and later on when she was in college, she apparently was the president of her university's gay, lesbian and bisexual student organization. Later on, she seemed to be into older guys, she was her (much older) boss's mistress one summer while she was in school. Last I heard from her, she was in medical school about to become a doctor. I'm really kind of interested to talk to her again, as I'm sure she has some interesting stories to tell, and ever better, I'd like to see her again, cuz Nina was always pretty hot, and I'm guessing she still isn't too hard on the eyes.

Now maybe I'm just reading to much into Nina's words, but she said she'd been thinking about me for a couple weeks, and that she'd love to get back in touch. Even if I'm not reading too much into her words, and she just wants to get back in touch with an old friend, it still seems a little odd. I'm just intensely curious as to why she wants to talk again now. I'd actually tried to see if I could find a picture of her or a personal web page online a month or so ago, but I couldn't find anything, and she has a common enough name that just slogging through things to figure which could be her took awhile. Ah well, hopefully she'll write back again soon and we can get to know one another better again, perhaps get together sometime if she is back in the area even. At any rate, I'm intrigued and curious by the whole thing.
posted by dotsboytoy 1:41 PM

Sunday, February 17

 
So Nathan's party Friday night turned out to be exactly as I expected, pretty casual and relaxed, not too much excitement. It would have been nice if some more of the people he invited from outside our mutual circle of friends would have showed up, but ah well, such is life. It is just so hard to meet new people these days, probably mostly due to the fact the Wendi and I are pretty much hermits and hardly ever go out except to do stuff with friends, and mostly those outings are not to places where meeting new people might be part of the equation. (Although really, where do you go to meet new people?)
posted by dotsboytoy 10:54 AM

Friday, February 15

 
There is nothing quite as mind-numblingly boring as Friday afternoon at work. Seconds seem to tick by more slowly, minutes stretch as if elastic. The situation is only made worse by the fact that Nathan is throwing a party tonight, and the anticipation of it makes the last hour or so here at work even longer. Wendi is helping Nathan with the party, preparing some anti-Valentine's Day decorations and foodstuffs. The irony of course is that aside from our host, it seems likely that almost everyone attending will already be coupled long-since, and fresh off their smushy Valentine's celebrations from last night.

Ah well, at least Wendi and I had a fight last night, so I can still remain bitter and cynical about the whole Valentine's Day experience. I really do wonder if there is something subconscious that causes that to happen though, since I can recall numerous fights with various girlfriends on February 14th all the way back to high school. Valentine's Day just seems to be a cursed holiday for me, either I'm destined to spend it alone and unhappy, fighting with my partner, or in those rare lucky years, just mellow and not really celebrating.

So I'm not expecting too much from the party tonight, it will likely just be a small and relaxed gathering, with people just hanging out and talking, munching on some nibblies and a healthy bit of drinking. It's a shame that Lolly couldn't make it, since she is known for taking parties into the realm of lotsa nekkidness. But then again, no, it is probably better not to go there, too many people who know each other perhaps a bit too closely for that. At any rate, I just hope Wendi doesn't get as drunk as at the last of Nathan's parties, where I had to practically carry her home on the subway, the whole time quietly coaxing her to keep making forward progress towards home and try to convince her not to keep yelling "No!" loudly enough to attract the attention of passersby. After all, she was in no state to explain the situation that I was really her boyfriend of 4 1/2 years, that we lived together, and that I was taking her home, which could have led to some pretty unpleasant things happening for me.
posted by dotsboytoy 5:40 PM

 

Pre-blog tension, part 4 (the end) - lunch

So just one quick further comment for now... I'm eating lunch with the guys as usual, and Lydia comes to join us since none of her usual lunch crowd are around yet. I like Lydia just fine, but it always makes me a little uncomfortable having to sit directly across from her as I always feel like I make a little too much... eye contact, and I don't mean I stare at her face too much! I don't really know her all that well, she is the girlfriend of a former co-worker at a previous job, and she has recently taken a job at our company.

It isn't that I find Lydia all that attactive, because, honestly, she's a bit on the heavy side, even for my tastes, and she's even more of a geek than myself and my usual crowd. There is however, something about her exceedingly large breasts that are hard to keep from staring at. So sitting across from her at lunch, I had to work hard to make sure to make eye contact with her periodically, and to alternate between looking her in the eye, looking at the guys, and looking down at my food. Still hard to keep from looking at her breasts though. Not sure why I have such a problem with Lydia in that regard though, since I am usually very good about making eye contact with women and not talking to their chests.
posted by dotsboytoy 3:01 PM

 

Pre-blog tension, part 3

So that put a good start on the morning, although making it through a whole day of work still didn't seem like it was going to be any easier. I got in to work nearly an hour later than usual after taking a long time getting showered and ready and making sure Wendi actually got up and out of bed for a change. Surprisingly, although there were more people in the office for 10 am than usual for the rest of the week, pretty much no one from my group was in. The boss-is-on-vacation factor is alive and well.

Everyone else showed up eventually, glad to see I'm not the only slacker in the group... I'd figured maybe people were just taking the extra day off and making a 4 day weekend out of it.
posted by dotsboytoy 2:49 PM

 

Pre-blog tension, part 2

So anyhow, I'm on the computer and as I'm getting ready to surf for some good porn, notice that Nadine is online on irc. Not sure what she is doing awake so early, but after talking to her, realize that she isn't online early, she is on really, really late. So she asks what brings me on so early as well, since I usually don't get on irc until I'm at work in a couple hours. Never one to pull any punches, I tell her my reasons for being on now, and joke that perhaps she can help out the cause. I'm surprised when she says she'll put up her webcam. I mean, Nadine is an ex-girlfriend, and we parted ways pleasantly enough, but she was always the shy one and not terribly adventurous, so either she is just putting me on, or she's in an extremely ... mood.

So it turns out that Nadine isn't joking, as when I pull up the live streaming feed of her cam, she is sitting there topless and smiling. God her breasts are fabulous! Her breasts seem even slightly larger than the last time I've seen them, and they are oh so perfectly round, heavy enough so you can tell they are entirely natural, yet not saggy, and her nipples jutting out what seems to be a mile as usual. I compliment her on her stunning display and she blushes deeply, still a shy girl despite some newfound boldness.

...

posted by dotsboytoy 2:36 PM

 

Pre-blog tension, part 1

So I wake up this morning and Wendi is still totally crashed out asleep next to me, probably with a bit of a hangover considering last night. Not such a good start for what is likely to be a long day which will culminate in another night of heavy drinking. Ah well. She has this habit of pushing the covers down while she is sleeping, which annoys me to no end when I'm sleeping, since I like the covers way up over my shoulders at night. The fact that she is a foot shorter than me and likes to sleep down further in the middle of the bed doesn't help the situation either. But the nice benefit in the morning is that I do get a lovely view of her pale white breasts as she continues to sleep in the morning. :-)

Of course, all this does is make me extra horny, since because of her drunkeness last night, we didn't fool around at all before just crashing out asleep. So I get up and head out to the computer and figure I'll find some nice porn to masturbate to this morning. It's funny that Wendi is always amazed that I masturbate at all, and even more funny that she never realizes (or at least never mentions) that I might be doing it in the mornings while she is still asleep. Perhaps now that she is off the meds that made her sex drive plummet, she will not only want to fuck like bunnies again, but also get around to some good old-fashioned masturbation herself. I mean, maybe I'm just weird, but I don't think it is natural for folks to never masturbate.

posted by dotsboytoy 2:30 PM

 

A note on the first few posts...

All of this stuff is from earlier this morning... I was writing it up as a long email to a (very close) friend, but decided to just ago ahead and start my blog now with it, since I'd been meaning to start one for awhile now, and since I finally have a good story to get going with... it all starts at like 7 am...
posted by dotsboytoy 2:25 PM